Pasaara

After experiencing the life of living with less (a lot less), I am back on messy track of things. There are too many of them around me! I have always been troubled by this and now it's getting into my head so deep that every passing day is getting tougher than the previous one. My mental state is too dependent on these things to be taken lightly (as everybody back there always said!).

There was a sense of freedom and feather-lightness to that state where I restricted myself only to the daily essentials. There was a clear line between needs and wants. I cannot forget the nakedness of elements in my room - neatly made bed, plain white walls, clear table, comfortable chair and a small closet embedded in wall. That room was a perfect place every activity (dancing, acting/overacting, poetry reading, watching surreal movies, chatting with friends, cooking rarely, group-studying.....). The emptiness of my room, rather the space, gave me this weird pleasure I cannot explain. The symmetry, the placement of and steadiness in the ever-changing arrangement of the elements, was more than I could have asked for. Every little object had it's place. None was ever ignored. Every little thing was fully functional and was utilized on a daily basis. There were no extras. No accessories. No useless items. No mess. No chaos. There was perfect orderliness which I loved dearly.

Money was never a constraint. I could buy/spend more than what I used to. But I never did. One motivation behind was environmental clean-up cause ignored at our place at least. This thought reflected at my choices pointing towards - organic and recyclable items. Endless stretches of landfills composing of non-degradable garbage overwhelmed me. I vehemently denied unnecessary luxuries available. Life looked very simple. The yes-es and the no-s were easily recognized. How peaceful it was!

Now it's all topsy-turvy. I am on a crazy ride of yes-es. Seems like I have pushed forward the line between needs and wants. The balance is disturbed. I am disturbed. These spirits live everywhere in my room now. They are in the art & craft bag, growing inside the jar of sliced green olives, dormant in Waterman Havana Brown ink, lying in laundry bag and pouches holding unnecessary freebies, crawling on my bed at nights when I'm asleep and playing with dust on the shoe rack. The moment I enter my room they laugh, scream, howl and move around me like crazy spectres. The moment I switch on lights they scare me with their ghastly appearances. Every single object becomes so heavy that I do not dare lift it. And then they laugh at my inability. When I switch off the lights they lift the bed from bottom side which puts a huge pressure on my head. I spent sleepless nights and wake up in the morning with bad headaches.

Life has become difficult with so many happenings around me. 

Ride on

Wrote this after finishing the scariest ride ever in my life! This intense head ache is switching me off!
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Ride on O Rider! Your home is calling.
Let it rain with lightening and thunder.
Let the windy city roar out loud.
Tear the film with blade on your head.
Inclines, patches, signals and risks,
To hell with the Indian scene!
Just push down and ride on!
Your safe home is calling.

Reticent

Do not set me up with those adjectives. I may burn down in shyness. Do not praise me in the crowds. I may never turn up. Do not stand and observe what I do. I may not work perfectly. Do not tell people about my good things. I may close every door and window.
Just give me my space, time and solitude. I need them more than anyone you know. Take care that you will never disturb me. I will come to you when I need you. Take my NOs seriously. I have a right to my liberty and choice.
I do not act for any credit. I have no expectations from you. I just love your naked skin. The rough textures and the tiny hair on your arms. That moustache reminds me of the plough. Those strong biceps indicate your strength. I secretly admire your talent and creativity. Those symbols on the green board are your symphony. You have created and destroyed and will continue to do so!
Just like you I am. Just like you I will be. Tall. Reticent.

It's all surreal!

It was always better I always knew. The cube and the stars. The pencil and the ink. The Portal and the numbers. The dit-dahs and Gimp. The rides for 20. The roads un-walkable. The checkered whites. The stationary stops. The destruction of race. The birth of man. Yet I tested. This now turns out ugly. This never suited me. Although this was me.

Feel tired now to undo and redefine. The mess in my room stays for weeks. I cannot clean it. But I have to un-paint the surrealism. Start closing the doors and windows. This is no different than the illusory drums I used to listen to when I was a kid. I missed watching the surreal cinemas without realising I'm living one. I have to be conscious more than I ever was.

O man this hurts!

Meter pe bees rupaya extra

Meter pe bees rupaya extra! I looked at him in plain wonder thinking hard to figure out the logic behind this demand.

Few minutes back, I called it a day when LAN had stopped working temporarily at my work place. I locked the screen, picked up my bag and was set to get home by auto. Today was my second day and I had already spent a terrible night in menstrual pain. So instead of cycling to work in the morning, I hired an auto, which, to my surprise, was decently metered and it costed me Rs. 63 only, from my home to work place. The way back to home from work would be no different I thought. So after work, I withdrew cash from ATM and started walking to find an auto to take me home.

First one: 150 Rs.
I didn't even care to react and turned around and started walking.
He asked kitna denge? to which I replied 80 in a hesitant tone. I surely had forgotten how much I paid in the morning. Then he delivered the popular dialogue, Meter pe bees rupaya extra dedo. I looked at him and gave aapka kuch nahi kiya jaa sakta expressions and without uttering a word started walking again.

At a distance of few steps another auto-wala was observing me. I asked 27th main?, to which he thought for few seconds like a first grader and answered, 180 hoga! I burst into laughter, lifted my left hand to point to my destination direction and said Bhaiya, 60 Rs. hota hai! There was another auto-wala there to whom this first grader asked something in some unintelligible language. Then I asked again Chaloge kya? only to receive a confused refusal. I started walking again.

The next one was observing me from the diagonally opposite direction. I went to him, mentioned my destination and waited for his reply. I don't remember how much he said. I only remember my assertive reply, which was 60 hota hai! Subah hi ayi thi mai 63 Rs. me.
Him: Aap to meter se bhi kam bol rahe ho
Me: Round figure hai 60!
Him: Meter pe bees rupaya extra dedo!
At this point, I entered into a mood of argument. So I started speaking out.
Me: Ye bees rupaye wala kya logic hai aapka mujhe toh samajh me nahi ata. 
Him: Khali ana padta hai. 80 Rs. dedo fir. 
Me: Ye bargain kya kar rahe ho aap! Aur aap ko koi na koi passenger mil hi jayega wahan. Khali nahi ana padega. Meri journey to udhar hi khatam hoti hai na! Mai kyu extra pay karu!
Without waiting for his reaction I turned around and started walking.

I crossed the badly designed road and couldn't find any auto around on the busy street. So with a little hope of finding an auto who will demand honest fare, I continued walking. With every step I took, I became firmly assertive that I am not going to get an auto anywhere nearby. I saw a few buses but they failed to allure me. I thought I would rather walk briskly for 1 hour than stand uncomfortably for few minutes in a crowded bus trying to make it's way in the heavy Bangalore traffic. So I started walking.

On my way I was wondering about this popular dialogue which these auto-walas deliver every now and then as the last resort hoping to infect us with pity. They have no logical reason behind this bees rupaya wali demand.

Bhai kyu doon mai aapko bees rupaya? Kya aapne first aid kit lagwaya hai apne auto me? Ki safety belts hai? Ki topple-proof auto hai aapka? Extra paise mai kis liye doon? Chota AC fit kiya hai kya? Ki mujhe aap bees minute jaldi pohonchaoge? Kya wajah hai aapke bees rupaye ke demand ki?! Sawaari acchi nahi lagi to paise wapas karoge kya? Auto ke andar kuch refreshments milenge? Nautanki Lays aur fancy mini coke? Ki garam adrak wali chai milegi? Chota LCD TV fit kiya hai kya aapke auto me? Short film dikhaoge kya?

WHY?!

To give more than what one deserves is charity. I do not believe in it. To give less is injustice which I cannot tolerate. One should always get what one deserves. Nothing more and nothing less. Nobody has right on my earnings. I do not mind spending more if I'm convinced with a valid reason. There has to be a logical reason. I feel strange when people indulge in baseless conversations and assertively declare their feelings. There is dearth of logic and honesty. For them, every ride, chance and opportunity must be profitable. So they indulge in the filth of brainless arguments. In this case, the entire structure and meaning of convenient public transport is lost. They openly rape honesty and dignity. They shamelessly declare their deception and ask us to cooperate with them in their game.

Anyway, I came home walking, despite the risk of ending up with bad menstrual cramps. But fortunately nothing happened. It took me one hour. I'm used to walking for longer duration. So I did not mind investing my time in it. Besides that, I dearly enjoy my unplanned walking and cycling expeditions. ;)

O darling

O darling come and dance with me
Come with those heavy steps
Come lay your feet on my belly
Will the night stay here with us?
Will the old webs play on my bed?
Call the thirsty shadows at once
There will you stand
There will you hold
There will you shout
When they stamp me loud
When they push out from me
When they hold me tight
O darling you will see
How I please thee
With my holy!

120 minutes at night

After a lovely evening meal with a friend at a pretty new and pretty place called La Traviata, which looked like an Italian/Japanese themed restaurant/cafe/bar, with two polka dotted statues - one of cow and one of calf stationed outside the restaurant (rather unusual pieces for a themed restaurant!), I decided to check out Kormangla on my bike! B-)

The weather was pleasant. I had a lot of time in my bucket, was wearing comfortable clothes and had the basic cycling gears on - helmet, gloves and pollution mask. Boy I was almost set for the ride, only thing being, it was unplanned. But that didn't bother me much since I'm up for cycling and exploring any time provided the sun is hiding in some other part of the world! So Kormangla was on my mind. But Domlur isn't far I thought. So is Indiranagar. I can reach the place and U-turn back home in no time I thought! One of my college friends recently shifted to Indiranagar. I thought I will check her place and come back. The plan was made within few seconds inside my head covered with (I'm writing the spelling as my friend pronounced it :P) "Between" helmet! :'D :'D :'D

Three signal's - the last one being the very famous Sony signal didn't take much long since today was national holiday! (No prizes for guessing the day.) Then started the not-at-all lit but super smooth - Inner Ring Road. The ride on this road, after the next signal, was as smooth as sliding down the slide smeared with butter! O man! It was the sexiest ride I ever had in Bangalore! Can't explain the pleasure! Uffff!!!! Smooooootthhhh.....! I thought to myself how lucky I am that my unplanned event got planned on a holiday since there was no traffic at all! The roads were clear all throughout my ride! Where ever I went, I faced no traffic. I got completely zoned out and got tuned-into my perpetual cycling motion! I could no longer check out the place. I was so blissfully tuned into cycling. 100Ft. road had always fascinated me for the up-class outlets, top-class restaurants and long stretch of road outlined by huge trees on both sides. I stopped aside to call my friend when I started on that road. But unfortunately first and then fortunately now, the call didn't get through. For one number, the lady spoke something in Telugu, while the other number wasn't available. So I hung up and started riding again.

I rode till the end of the 100Ft. road and on the way I crossed this place called TOIT which my friend had talked about earlier this evening. There were pretty girls in mini skirts standing outside and I heard the music, being played inside, in full Doppler effect. I couldn't notice the place for long since I was riding with a decent speed but my side vision will tell you a lot more about the place. It looked pretty huge and crowded too. I could almost guess the interiors from the outside décor. But that's not the point here. When I crossed that place, there was a firm assertion inside my head, of one of my basic personality traits - I do not open up easily. I need time to develop, (in one of my friends' term - ) evolve and take in what comes before me. There is a lot beneath which I choose not to write about since otherwise this stupid write up would bulge unnecessarily. I moved on and reached the end of the straight road with a signal there and the metro railway line, running over our heads, bending towards right. But some anonymous group of neurons asked me to take left. I had no idea where I was heading. I looked at one SUV taking a U-turn and I, for a second thought I should head back. But then came back the jumping idea of exploration when I saw the board saying - Old Madras Road. :D

I laughed with excitement. No. The scene wasn't as stupid as it is in movies where the actor smiles and laughs on his own and nobody cares. I had an advantage - I had a mask on. So I heartily laughed with excitement and nobody noticed me! :D :P The next board indicated Ulsoor. I had been there more than twice. So I thought it to be safe to go there. Then came the Y-shaped left-right diversions with a petrol pump at the center but no board or signs anywhere near.
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. ;)

Well I really did take the road on which there were no vehicles but only a few people walking with some luggage. I slowed down and asked - MG road? The man said after furrowing his brows, keep going straight ahead. I turned back and asked How far is it from here? to which he replied 2-3 minutes. But it definitely wasn't 2-3 minutes. I confirmed the route again at the next signal and went ahead. The familiar places started appearing along with a wave of an unusual content in my brain promising safety (now that's my funny brain - promising safety in some part of Bangalore at night, only reason being - I had been there before!). The metro line appeared. I saw the board saying - Trinity. I knew I was nearing MG Road. I started riding with confidence. The greater familiarity of MG road made me happier. Since, firstly it made me feel safe again (my funny brain again!) and secondly I had always thought of riding to MG Road on my bike! And there I was! For a fraction of second my increasingly-aspiring mind thought of heading ahead and taking the route where the magnificent Indian flag post stands with dignity, the place where I was overwhelmed by amazement when my friend drove me there one night. But it was already past 9 or 9.30. Didn't check the time then. And I needed to head back on time. So I pushed the flag plan to some other unplanned day.

Crossed Brigade road. Crossed the signal. Was very thirsty. Thought of taking a small break at Bombay restaurant but dropped the idea. Went ahead. After some signal on the way a two wheeler, honking in a continuity, came and hit my leg. I was already pissed at the way that dude was honking and when he hit my leg, I stopped my bike immediately and turned back and shouted What's wrong with you!. The dude riding that two wheeler looked like a kid and his friend at back was also a kid I guess. All I could notice in my anger was - the rider was wearing a kajal and the pillion rider was checking me out! Since his honking was the first thing I had noticed, I continued Ek toh itni zor se horn baja rahe ho!, to which this kid in front replied something I cared not to listen to and continued with my words theek se chala nahi sakte!. This happened just after the signal. Since they had faulted, I got the advantage to shout out loud in the middle of the road. But we moved on just after a could-have-been-potential fight when I said idiot in the end. I am rarely aggressive on outside but my conditioned mind made me do what I did.

Well, the anger didn't last long and I was back on my excitement track. :D St. John's signal was what I decided to take but the end-moment dilemma made me take left from the Forum mall signal and again my funny brain started it's funny theories saying - it's good to take the road from where you started! :'D I sometimes wonder at these strange statements my brain makes at odd times! Again, this is not to be discussed here. My next was a halt for exactly five minutes, starting at 21:48, to have my favourite watermelon juice without sugar, at the juice shop near Woodland showroom and start riding again at 21:53. And boy do people check me out‽ They keep staring at my bike, helmet and my...you can guess what...! Sometimes it makes me feel like a professional cyclist, roaming around and exploring the beauty of the city. Anyway. I crossed the famous Sony signal again took the Flipkart road, crossed the Jakksandra signal, passed La Traviata (without noticing the polka dotted cow and calf!), took the Sarjapur road and then was blinded by high beams of vehicles! Every bloody vehicle was on high beam. I couldn't see even an inch of the road since there were no vehicles following me. There were vehicles only on the other side of the divider. I slowed down until a vehicle passed me by on my lane and my eyes checked the road as further down as my vision could get under the lights of that vehicle.

Soon I was at the 27th main and it looked like a dead street at start with no lights anywhere! Further down I found some activity and was relieved to see people walking near the open shops. I returned back to the garage to park my bike and went home running to have water. Cold water.

This was my unplanned ride of around 120 minutes giving birth to this rather long and verbosely written stupid write-up.

Now comes the checklist.

To buy:

• A better pollution mask
• Head light for my bike
• A blinker at the rear end for greater self-visibility at nights
• Anti-glare glasses for night riding
• More professional-looking cycling outfits (I'm all excited ;D)
• A good camera to click along the way!

To do:

• ✓Cycle to MG road 
• ✓Cycle at night in Bangalore
• Cycle to flag post some night
• Cycle on Nice road
• Cycle when it's drizzling 
• To write long write-ups after all these rides! ;)

It took longer to write about the ride than the ride itself! It's nearing 2.00 am now. Another day has already started. (I tricked the Blogger to publish this on the same day I rode. ;))

Good day.

Addendum: Later at night after my ride, this guy I went out with earlier in the eve, made me feel pretty by saying that he likes me.