120 minutes at night

After a lovely evening meal with a friend at a pretty new and pretty place called La Traviata, which looked like an Italian/Japanese themed restaurant/cafe/bar, with two polka dotted statues - one of cow and one of calf stationed outside the restaurant (rather unusual pieces for a themed restaurant!), I decided to check out Kormangla on my bike! B-)

The weather was pleasant. I had a lot of time in my bucket, was wearing comfortable clothes and had the basic cycling gears on - helmet, gloves and pollution mask. Boy I was almost set for the ride, only thing being, it was unplanned. But that didn't bother me much since I'm up for cycling and exploring any time provided the sun is hiding in some other part of the world! So Kormangla was on my mind. But Domlur isn't far I thought. So is Indiranagar. I can reach the place and U-turn back home in no time I thought! One of my college friends recently shifted to Indiranagar. I thought I will check her place and come back. The plan was made within few seconds inside my head covered with (I'm writing the spelling as my friend pronounced it :P) "Between" helmet! :'D :'D :'D

Three signal's - the last one being the very famous Sony signal didn't take much long since today was national holiday! (No prizes for guessing the day.) Then started the not-at-all lit but super smooth - Inner Ring Road. The ride on this road, after the next signal, was as smooth as sliding down the slide smeared with butter! O man! It was the sexiest ride I ever had in Bangalore! Can't explain the pleasure! Uffff!!!! Smooooootthhhh.....! I thought to myself how lucky I am that my unplanned event got planned on a holiday since there was no traffic at all! The roads were clear all throughout my ride! Where ever I went, I faced no traffic. I got completely zoned out and got tuned-into my perpetual cycling motion! I could no longer check out the place. I was so blissfully tuned into cycling. 100Ft. road had always fascinated me for the up-class outlets, top-class restaurants and long stretch of road outlined by huge trees on both sides. I stopped aside to call my friend when I started on that road. But unfortunately first and then fortunately now, the call didn't get through. For one number, the lady spoke something in Telugu, while the other number wasn't available. So I hung up and started riding again.

I rode till the end of the 100Ft. road and on the way I crossed this place called TOIT which my friend had talked about earlier this evening. There were pretty girls in mini skirts standing outside and I heard the music, being played inside, in full Doppler effect. I couldn't notice the place for long since I was riding with a decent speed but my side vision will tell you a lot more about the place. It looked pretty huge and crowded too. I could almost guess the interiors from the outside décor. But that's not the point here. When I crossed that place, there was a firm assertion inside my head, of one of my basic personality traits - I do not open up easily. I need time to develop, (in one of my friends' term - ) evolve and take in what comes before me. There is a lot beneath which I choose not to write about since otherwise this stupid write up would bulge unnecessarily. I moved on and reached the end of the straight road with a signal there and the metro railway line, running over our heads, bending towards right. But some anonymous group of neurons asked me to take left. I had no idea where I was heading. I looked at one SUV taking a U-turn and I, for a second thought I should head back. But then came back the jumping idea of exploration when I saw the board saying - Old Madras Road. :D

I laughed with excitement. No. The scene wasn't as stupid as it is in movies where the actor smiles and laughs on his own and nobody cares. I had an advantage - I had a mask on. So I heartily laughed with excitement and nobody noticed me! :D :P The next board indicated Ulsoor. I had been there more than twice. So I thought it to be safe to go there. Then came the Y-shaped left-right diversions with a petrol pump at the center but no board or signs anywhere near.
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. ;)

Well I really did take the road on which there were no vehicles but only a few people walking with some luggage. I slowed down and asked - MG road? The man said after furrowing his brows, keep going straight ahead. I turned back and asked How far is it from here? to which he replied 2-3 minutes. But it definitely wasn't 2-3 minutes. I confirmed the route again at the next signal and went ahead. The familiar places started appearing along with a wave of an unusual content in my brain promising safety (now that's my funny brain - promising safety in some part of Bangalore at night, only reason being - I had been there before!). The metro line appeared. I saw the board saying - Trinity. I knew I was nearing MG Road. I started riding with confidence. The greater familiarity of MG road made me happier. Since, firstly it made me feel safe again (my funny brain again!) and secondly I had always thought of riding to MG Road on my bike! And there I was! For a fraction of second my increasingly-aspiring mind thought of heading ahead and taking the route where the magnificent Indian flag post stands with dignity, the place where I was overwhelmed by amazement when my friend drove me there one night. But it was already past 9 or 9.30. Didn't check the time then. And I needed to head back on time. So I pushed the flag plan to some other unplanned day.

Crossed Brigade road. Crossed the signal. Was very thirsty. Thought of taking a small break at Bombay restaurant but dropped the idea. Went ahead. After some signal on the way a two wheeler, honking in a continuity, came and hit my leg. I was already pissed at the way that dude was honking and when he hit my leg, I stopped my bike immediately and turned back and shouted What's wrong with you!. The dude riding that two wheeler looked like a kid and his friend at back was also a kid I guess. All I could notice in my anger was - the rider was wearing a kajal and the pillion rider was checking me out! Since his honking was the first thing I had noticed, I continued Ek toh itni zor se horn baja rahe ho!, to which this kid in front replied something I cared not to listen to and continued with my words theek se chala nahi sakte!. This happened just after the signal. Since they had faulted, I got the advantage to shout out loud in the middle of the road. But we moved on just after a could-have-been-potential fight when I said idiot in the end. I am rarely aggressive on outside but my conditioned mind made me do what I did.

Well, the anger didn't last long and I was back on my excitement track. :D St. John's signal was what I decided to take but the end-moment dilemma made me take left from the Forum mall signal and again my funny brain started it's funny theories saying - it's good to take the road from where you started! :'D I sometimes wonder at these strange statements my brain makes at odd times! Again, this is not to be discussed here. My next was a halt for exactly five minutes, starting at 21:48, to have my favourite watermelon juice without sugar, at the juice shop near Woodland showroom and start riding again at 21:53. And boy do people check me out‽ They keep staring at my bike, helmet and my...you can guess what...! Sometimes it makes me feel like a professional cyclist, roaming around and exploring the beauty of the city. Anyway. I crossed the famous Sony signal again took the Flipkart road, crossed the Jakksandra signal, passed La Traviata (without noticing the polka dotted cow and calf!), took the Sarjapur road and then was blinded by high beams of vehicles! Every bloody vehicle was on high beam. I couldn't see even an inch of the road since there were no vehicles following me. There were vehicles only on the other side of the divider. I slowed down until a vehicle passed me by on my lane and my eyes checked the road as further down as my vision could get under the lights of that vehicle.

Soon I was at the 27th main and it looked like a dead street at start with no lights anywhere! Further down I found some activity and was relieved to see people walking near the open shops. I returned back to the garage to park my bike and went home running to have water. Cold water.

This was my unplanned ride of around 120 minutes giving birth to this rather long and verbosely written stupid write-up.

Now comes the checklist.

To buy:

• A better pollution mask
• Head light for my bike
• A blinker at the rear end for greater self-visibility at nights
• Anti-glare glasses for night riding
• More professional-looking cycling outfits (I'm all excited ;D)
• A good camera to click along the way!

To do:

• ✓Cycle to MG road 
• ✓Cycle at night in Bangalore
• Cycle to flag post some night
• Cycle on Nice road
• Cycle when it's drizzling 
• To write long write-ups after all these rides! ;)

It took longer to write about the ride than the ride itself! It's nearing 2.00 am now. Another day has already started. (I tricked the Blogger to publish this on the same day I rode. ;))

Good day.

Addendum: Later at night after my ride, this guy I went out with earlier in the eve, made me feel pretty by saying that he likes me.

Mumma don't cry

Play on you immatures, play your game of filth
You may choose to bark or howl at nights
Or burn logic and reason with your pea-sized brain
Or may indulge in cheap verbal exchanges
Play on I ask. Because, your intentions will never be served.
Use your rather idle mind to come up with tricks
Or talk about fear of someone staying somewhere in Himalayas.
Preach if you want to, those lessons you've never learnt.
Or go for a mere shopping in your fancy up-class boutique
Then put up the make-up and jewellery of 3 Lakhs.
Go about your soi-disant saga for days and months together.
Do those dishes in your kitchen and talk about how wonderful you are!
Don't like my short clothes? Or the tattoo on my nape?
Don't worry I will never be around when you have guests.
Take pride in your culture and age old believes.
Or do you want to bitch about how many boyfriends I had?
Or how indifferent and insensitive and pretentious I am?
Or how I'm taking unfair advantage of the independence my mom has given me?
Might I suggest you come to me old ladies and foolish men
I'll tell you how worse a bitch I can be!

Mumma, dont cry. The taint doesn't matter.
Don't constantly try to clear your stand, it'll wear you down.
It has done no good. It will do no good. It is what it has always been
and will remain like that forever.
Venomous accusations and baseless allegations will never stop.
Are you listening mumma? To what your daughter is saying?
I love the food you cook for me, even if they keep picking at it.
Our small house is prettier than their grand bungalows.
I love the white and pink lilies in our small balcony.
Even the fishes in our tank know you have a warm, caring heart
for they don't eat when you cry. They cry along.
Everybody knows how wonderful self-made woman you are!
They don't call you Madam for no reason!
I feel proud when parents come to you for your advice on education.
You have earned it all by yourself! With no one's help!
So be on your own like you always have been.
Be that rock. Solid rock.
Let the fools play their game of filth.
You don't have to clarify anything to your daughter
Because even if they don't, I love you.

Muladhara

There is me in everything around here
Me in the talks, walks and food
In the situations, the deja vus
Suffocation of crowd
Stench of the aluminium
In the despise and irritation
In the power-cuts and humidity
With empathy and resolution
With inside and outside
With the time which runs
Without me.
There is me.
In every piece of this city.

Fourth floor

I liked you on first floor
I desired you on the second
I said you are my soul mate on third
But on fourth you gave me a rose saying -
"Our journey together has ended sweetheart!"

Fantasies

I closed my eyes and walked
With fantasies unraveling themselves
A smile and some expectations
A faith and little hope
The plain excitement
That clouded my beats
The serious thoughts
Which kept questioning
I kept walking.
Watching myself
Experience life.

Dissection

When I first saw your face
I thought I loved you
Then I took a knife
And started dissecting
As the blood oozed out
I looked at you and said
"You are the prettiest ever!"

From the diary of a sugar addict

Since past 3 weeks (approximately), I have been avoiding sweets, reason being, I am a sugar addict and I need to get rid of this potentially dangerous addiction. Initial few days of 'no sweet' were very difficult. The craving would increase with every passing minute. Head would start to spin, pulse rate would change, breathing would become heavy (slightly choked) and mind would lose focus from work. When I started  the 'no sweet' regime, I had substituted milk for sweets. Initially after every meal I had a habit of having something sweet. At my work place, they keep Bourbon. So I used to have it after my meal and whenever I craved. There was no limit to it. I would eat 3 or 4 at a time. And the pleasure it gave was intense! Sucrose - fructose and glucose together....Carbohydrates in bucket loads. O how I enjoyed those biscuits! The much needed sugar rush!
Milk when boiled turns slightly sweeter (lactose breaking down to glucose and galactose). So I substituted the frustose + glucose with glucose + galactose. But I wasn't happy since I was catering to my sugar needs. This in no way would help re-map my brain's pleasure pathways. Although I avoided fructose, I was talking in glucose. But I continued having milk whenever I craved since milk apart for having these simple carbohydrates, also contain proteins and minerals.
To say NO to sweets is a matter of will I thought. WILL. A resolution. It isn't that difficult. Last time, I remember, I had abstained from sweets for almost 6 months. I remember I did not have anything which even remotely tasted sweet, which meant, no Marie biscuits also or no chewda which had sweet ingredients. There's a story behind this herculean task. But that's out of context. Why I am here writing this is because, the 3 weeks of 'no sweet' regime got disrupted yesterday when one of my team mates got loads of sweets which I had  under limit and now has left me back to square one. Totally surprised I am by the time my brain took to relapse! It took few minutes!
I had no craving for sweets since past many days. I was totally oblivious of the feeling since, it did not arise at all. I could look at the rasmalai with indifference. I could stand beside the container containing Bourbon, smell the sweetness and not feel a thing inside my brain. No change in pulse rate. No change in breathing pattern. Nothing at all. All this was shattered yesterday when I allowed myself to 'think' of 'having some more and a little more' sweets. That was it. Now I am craving badly for sweets. I had 4 bourbon biscuits already since morning. I hate this feeling. It's worst feeling ever.

I'll write to you

I'll write to you with no expectation
Write till I exhaust the ink
I care not if you read or not
I expect you care not if I'm done
I'll take my pen to my grave
Do me a favour to keep it unfinished.

Punctures

I thought it is easier to die
but the stones keep puncturing my skin..

graveyard story

I will crave in my grave
when the night will sing
I will crawl and howl
at the silver moon
I will prick my wounds
when the flowers are close
I will cry with wolves
until I die again.

untouched feather

then there is nothingness
and I still find you in it
like an untouched feather
descending.

I wonder if I love you

I wonder if I love you when I'm numb,
when the faint old sense lingers within, 
when the heat dissolves in my blood
and passively increases the craving.

I wonder if I passively love you,
when there are no feelings left,
when every breath feels like a cough
and drains my body at night.

I wonder if I love you at nights,
like the flame of eternity on mountains,
like the way I used to love you always,
like plain LOVE for LOVE.

O solitude

O solitude
Sing for me
The lullaby you composed.
Eager sleep awaits
To cuddle in your voice.

Air

I dwell in today, conscious and aware
Of baby fragrance around me
I breathe in what you breathe out
The air brings you to me
I gain you with my every breath
I mature and evolve
There are no breaks
No pauses here
Just breathing
Because the air brings you to me.

At the end of the day

I was floating with the wind
He captured my wings
I was lying on the ground
He crushed me beneath
I was waiting at the door
He locked me in
I was basking in the sun
He burned my skin
I was singing with the cuckoos
He killed them for meal
But when I was sleeping on the bed
He kissed my cheeks
So I bought some time
To sleep at dusk
To hold him close
To wait in silence
That he will love me
At least at the end of the day.

Just like every night

Just like every night
I sit tonight
with no idea
but a feeling
overwhelming.

Object of obscure desire

Now I have hugged you a million times
that every hair on my hands
knows your touch
each pore exudes your scent.
I have swallowed your tongue, it lays inside
that I taste the melting sugar
in your mouth
your yawns and sleep are mine.
The space besides me holds your body
that I keep you neat
and you neatly shine
that I see you but you're free.

The blanket

There is a room
and there is a blanket
on the bed
waiting.
There is a faint
memory of warmth
on the fur
fading.
Every dark
before and after the sun
shadows the blanket
which remains
still.

My heart weeps

My heart weeps
but the cheeks smile.
Mind is in conflict.
Is it happiness
of weeping heart?
Or sadness
Of smiling cheeks?

The becoming

There's a steady defined growth on the tree in my backyard.
I'm seeing it since the days of my childhood
I play around with it, soak in it's shadow,
Decorate it, treat it, test it.
I find new leaves are fresh with juices.
I crumple the older ones beneath my feet.
Till they disappear. The ground has been strong.
The weather has been changing. The air deteriorating!
But the tree survives. All the changes.
The steady growth on it remains unchanged.  
It grows every day. Inch by inch. When I touch,
It's absorbed in my pores. I feel it now inside me.
Growing everyday. Inch by inch. It tastes sour.
Sometimes bitter. The polyploidy has entered my spine!
Latent in the lysogeny. It surfaces like flu.
Reddens  my skin with rashes.
Bubbles the dust in urticaria.
I become ostrich faced. Tiny little head
Trying to find a hiding. Then.
It disappears. In the ocean of million such particles.
I mirror him. My plasmodesmata carry him from my toe tips.
Towards the bud on my face. And when it falls off,
It starts a new life. Just besides the old tree.
The sun becomes comforting. I hold the soil and stand.
My arms lifted to receive the 680 and 700.
My thylakoids fill up. The xylem and phloem bring up to me
The sweet milk from the earth's bosom.
And I stand. Motionless. For years to come.