Mumma don't cry

Play on you immatures, play your game of filth
You may choose to bark or howl at nights
Or burn logic and reason with your pea-sized brain
Or may indulge in cheap verbal exchanges
Play on I ask. Because, your intentions will never be served.
Use your rather idle mind to come up with tricks
Or talk about fear of someone staying somewhere in Himalayas.
Preach if you want to, those lessons you've never learnt.
Or go for a mere shopping in your fancy up-class boutique
Then put up the make-up and jewellery of 3 Lakhs.
Go about your soi-disant saga for days and months together.
Do those dishes in your kitchen and talk about how wonderful you are!
Don't like my short clothes? Or the tattoo on my nape?
Don't worry I will never be around when you have guests.
Take pride in your culture and age old believes.
Or do you want to bitch about how many boyfriends I had?
Or how indifferent and insensitive and pretentious I am?
Or how I'm taking unfair advantage of the independence my mom has given me?
Might I suggest you come to me old ladies and foolish men
I'll tell you how worse a bitch I can be!

Mumma, dont cry. The taint doesn't matter.
Don't constantly try to clear your stand, it'll wear you down.
It has done no good. It will do no good. It is what it has always been
and will remain like that forever.
Venomous accusations and baseless allegations will never stop.
Are you listening mumma? To what your daughter is saying?
I love the food you cook for me, even if they keep picking at it.
Our small house is prettier than their grand bungalows.
I love the white and pink lilies in our small balcony.
Even the fishes in our tank know you have a warm, caring heart
for they don't eat when you cry. They cry along.
Everybody knows how wonderful self-made woman you are!
They don't call you Madam for no reason!
I feel proud when parents come to you for your advice on education.
You have earned it all by yourself! With no one's help!
So be on your own like you always have been.
Be that rock. Solid rock.
Let the fools play their game of filth.
You don't have to clarify anything to your daughter
Because even if they don't, I love you.

Muladhara

There is me in everything around here
Me in the talks, walks and food
In the situations, the deja vus
Suffocation of crowd
Stench of the aluminium
In the despise and irritation
In the power-cuts and humidity
With empathy and resolution
With inside and outside
With the time which runs
Without me.
There is me.
In every piece of this city.

Fourth floor

I liked you on first floor
I desired you on the second
I said you are my soul mate on third
But on fourth you gave me a rose saying -
"Our journey together has ended sweetheart!"

Fantasies

I closed my eyes and walked
With fantasies unraveling themselves
A smile and some expectations
A faith and little hope
The plain excitement
That clouded my beats
The serious thoughts
Which kept questioning
I kept walking.
Watching myself
Experience life.

Dissection

When I first saw your face
I thought I loved you
Then I took a knife
And started dissecting
As the blood oozed out
I looked at you and said
"You are the prettiest ever!"

From the diary of a sugar addict

Since past 3 weeks (approximately), I have been avoiding sweets, reason being, I am a sugar addict and I need to get rid of this potentially dangerous addiction. Initial few days of 'no sweet' were very difficult. The craving would increase with every passing minute. Head would start to spin, pulse rate would change, breathing would become heavy (slightly choked) and mind would lose focus from work. When I started  the 'no sweet' regime, I had substituted milk for sweets. Initially after every meal I had a habit of having something sweet. At my work place, they keep Bourbon. So I used to have it after my meal and whenever I craved. There was no limit to it. I would eat 3 or 4 at a time. And the pleasure it gave was intense! Sucrose - fructose and glucose together....Carbohydrates in bucket loads. O how I enjoyed those biscuits! The much needed sugar rush!
Milk when boiled turns slightly sweeter (lactose breaking down to glucose and galactose). So I substituted the frustose + glucose with glucose + galactose. But I wasn't happy since I was catering to my sugar needs. This in no way would help re-map my brain's pleasure pathways. Although I avoided fructose, I was talking in glucose. But I continued having milk whenever I craved since milk apart for having these simple carbohydrates, also contain proteins and minerals.
To say NO to sweets is a matter of will I thought. WILL. A resolution. It isn't that difficult. Last time, I remember, I had abstained from sweets for almost 6 months. I remember I did not have anything which even remotely tasted sweet, which meant, no Marie biscuits also or no chewda which had sweet ingredients. There's a story behind this herculean task. But that's out of context. Why I am here writing this is because, the 3 weeks of 'no sweet' regime got disrupted yesterday when one of my team mates got loads of sweets which I had  under limit and now has left me back to square one. Totally surprised I am by the time my brain took to relapse! It took few minutes!
I had no craving for sweets since past many days. I was totally oblivious of the feeling since, it did not arise at all. I could look at the rasmalai with indifference. I could stand beside the container containing Bourbon, smell the sweetness and not feel a thing inside my brain. No change in pulse rate. No change in breathing pattern. Nothing at all. All this was shattered yesterday when I allowed myself to 'think' of 'having some more and a little more' sweets. That was it. Now I am craving badly for sweets. I had 4 bourbon biscuits already since morning. I hate this feeling. It's worst feeling ever.

I'll write to you

I'll write to you with no expectation
Write till I exhaust the ink
I care not if you read or not
I expect you care not if I'm done
I'll take my pen to my grave
Do me a favour to keep it unfinished.

Punctures

I thought it is easier to die
but the stones keep puncturing my skin..

graveyard story

I will crave in my grave
when the night will sing
I will crawl and howl
at the silver moon
I will prick my wounds
when the flowers are close
I will cry with wolves
until I die again.

untouched feather

then there is nothingness
and I still find you in it
like an untouched feather
descending.

I wonder if I love you

I wonder if I love you when I'm numb,
when the faint old sense lingers within, 
when the heat dissolves in my blood
and passively increases the craving.

I wonder if I passively love you,
when there are no feelings left,
when every breath feels like a cough
and drains my body at night.

I wonder if I love you at nights,
like the flame of eternity on mountains,
like the way I used to love you always,
like plain LOVE for LOVE.

O solitude

O solitude
Sing for me
The lullaby you composed.
Eager sleep awaits
To cuddle in your voice.

Air

I dwell in today, conscious and aware
Of baby fragrance around me
I breathe in what you breathe out
The air brings you to me
I gain you with my every breath
I mature and evolve
There are no breaks
No pauses here
Just breathing
Because the air brings you to me.

At the end of the day

I was floating with the wind
He captured my wings
I was lying on the ground
He crushed me beneath
I was waiting at the door
He locked me in
I was basking in the sun
He burned my skin
I was singing with the cuckoos
He killed them for meal
But when I was sleeping on the bed
He kissed my cheeks
So I bought some time
To sleep at dusk
To hold him close
To wait in silence
That he will love me
At least at the end of the day.

Just like every night

Just like every night
I sit tonight
with no idea
but a feeling
overwhelming.

Object of obscure desire

Now I have hugged you a million times
that every hair on my hands
knows your touch
each pore exudes your scent.
I have swallowed your tongue, it lays inside
that I taste the melting sugar
in your mouth
your yawns and sleep are mine.
The space besides me holds your body
that I keep you neat
and you neatly shine
that I see you but you're free.

The blanket

There is a room
and there is a blanket
on the bed
waiting.
There is a faint
memory of warmth
on the fur
fading.
Every dark
before and after the sun
shadows the blanket
which remains
still.

My heart weeps

My heart weeps
but the cheeks smile.
Mind is in conflict.
Is it happiness
of weeping heart?
Or sadness
Of smiling cheeks?

The becoming

There's a steady defined growth on the tree in my backyard.
I'm seeing it since the days of my childhood
I play around with it, soak in it's shadow,
Decorate it, treat it, test it.
I find new leaves are fresh with juices.
I crumple the older ones beneath my feet.
Till they disappear. The ground has been strong.
The weather has been changing. The air deteriorating!
But the tree survives. All the changes.
The steady growth on it remains unchanged.  
It grows every day. Inch by inch. When I touch,
It's absorbed in my pores. I feel it now inside me.
Growing everyday. Inch by inch. It tastes sour.
Sometimes bitter. The polyploidy has entered my spine!
Latent in the lysogeny. It surfaces like flu.
Reddens  my skin with rashes.
Bubbles the dust in urticaria.
I become ostrich faced. Tiny little head
Trying to find a hiding. Then.
It disappears. In the ocean of million such particles.
I mirror him. My plasmodesmata carry him from my toe tips.
Towards the bud on my face. And when it falls off,
It starts a new life. Just besides the old tree.
The sun becomes comforting. I hold the soil and stand.
My arms lifted to receive the 680 and 700.
My thylakoids fill up. The xylem and phloem bring up to me
The sweet milk from the earth's bosom.
And I stand. Motionless. For years to come.

Repulsion

What do you see -
The dying wall
Or flying wings?
What do you take in -
Through your breath
Through your skin?
What's on your mind -
The twitchy veins
Or wrinkled leather?
Where have you been?

All alone.
Oiled in fear.
No stains.
But old scratches
Of repulsion.