No idea

Funny how many words I have typed till now and then pressed Shift+Home and Delete after that! There's confusion. There's contrast. And then there's madness.
But no spelling mistakes. Never. There's aggression. There's pride. There's confidence.
And still I try to find myself. There have been stages where I felt the light.
The light so bright I could feel it diffusing through my nerves. But they were followed by deep elements of darkness and filth. So deep, so roughened that I could barely breath. It was almost like I lost my senses. Back to square one of confusion.
There must a pull back mechanism which brings me back to the mess.
Now how many times have I thought I know myself deep down clearly as if I have touched the ocean bed! But hell no! It is not persistent. I still keep bumping into façades. One after the other. There is no reality. There's only madness, a confused madness. And boy this is worse than the physical pains! These mental structures are rusted and they scratch my skin, my innocent skin. And they shoot through my spine down to my knees and ankles. It hurts. It hurts badly.
There is pain. Pain. Head bursts.

We sat under the dim light, he and I.
The music could be heard from the other room.
Sometimes strong, sometimes soft,
Sometimes emotional, sometimes deep.
He was silent.
I was relaxed.
He kept his gaze on me.
And I...
...I cried.