A small incident happened this evening which triggered a series of questions within me about my nature, choices, believes, perceptions, behaviour, management skills, people skills, survival, self-deception and finally truth (which will be that which seems most appropriate after all the masks have been brought down....to put in terms of Sherlock, "Once you have ruled out the impossible, whatever remains however improbable must be true.").
I was enjoying my evening bread just when I heard an anxious knock at the door. It was Manan, my landlord's elder son, looking alarmed trying to explain me something. But he was so slow that I myself, sensing something wrong, started asking him questions like whether he met with an accident or if Tanish, his younger brother, got hurt. He said, while riding, his cycle's handle accidentally scratched another vehicle and that they were calling someone elder to pay for the damage done. So I went down to see what happened.
From what I remember, Rita Di, the house maid, was sitting on the entrance stairs screaming and apologizing at the same time on behalf of the kids. The moment I went down, one of the guys asked me if I can speak Kannad or Telugu. I said "neither" and started speaking in Hindi. They showed me the scratch on their Innova and explained me their version. Then I asked for Manan's version. Both the stories seemed pretty consistent with minor biased opinions in their defence.
Then I began explaining the guy, who probably was driving the vehicle when this incident took place. And it was all explanations which I did. I said that, for such a small scratch unintentionally done by a kid playing in his own street, they shouldn't be so adamant and demand money or ask for the repair. From their physique and clothes it was easy to guess that the vehicle wasn't theirs and that they might just be demanding money because their owner might lash out at them. That's what I actually thought.
So I tried to explain them in a very respectful yet stern manner that they should let go this silly issue. And frankly I do feel that people should ignore such trivial things. For an unfortunate happenstance like this one, where nobody had the ill-intention or was hurt, people should learn to ignore what the outcome was and focus on mistakes at both ends just so that it never happens again.
But no my dear! Welcome to India. The country of rowdy Rathors and raanti Reddys! They want money. They want to show how powerful localites they are. They want to terrorize us by calling for reinforcement and outnumbering us. They want the police to be involved because they know, being localites, they can influence the police personnels too. More than anything else, on a much deeper level, they want a sense of victory. A sense which will make them feel righteously powerful. And they will never miss a chance for that.
Soon the other tenants, both girls (media students...worth mentioning here) arrived near the gates and asked what had happened. I explained them in brief and within no time there was a huge ruckus with both girls shouting and screaming on the top of their voices at those two guys. I sighed at my incapacity to calm them down. Actually, the moment I saw those two girls I realised that they will incite the guys to fight more vehemently. And that is exactly what happened.
Looking at the level of shouting and screaming out pointless arguments, I took a step back for few moments. Well there was nothing else I could have done. Given my soft, less talkative, non-aggressive nature I thought it's best not to speak in between. And what happened for the next few minutes was, I feel, totally unnecessary and pointless. The way these girls dominated by raising their voices and giving arguments seemed a little too much for the kind of issue we were facing.
I am not supporting or discrediting any side on their opinions and efforts. I don't want to state or analyse who was right or wrong. I am just pointing out at the way we are wired to always dominate. Kyriarchy. That's what I experienced today. In this case, by taking advantage of the child's mistake, the two guys wanted to believe that they have the capacity to beat us down, that they are above some individuals (at least in some situations), that they are on the 'right' side and so in their conditioned believes, want justice to be done.
On the other were these two girls. With a thought of 'being media students', they lashed out at the boys in loud voices. These girls had their own reasons for domination. There seemed a blatant belief in them that they can handle any situation by just being a strong woman....which is not false. Education and a masters degree obviously provided an edge and a reason to dominate.
Kyriarchy was the invisible symphony in the background.
These guys, stay somewhere on the next cross road. A few meters away from our house. Behaving in this fashion clearly indicates how we have evolved as a society of disconnected neighbours. Also, I want to point out how we end up being under control of things which we possess. Any small damage to a personal property is enough to blow off the lids of sensibility and logic and let's also say - ethics. In the heated argument exchange which was happening, a very funny line was being thrown by each of the parties - "Being educated, you should know how to behave." I was more than amused. :P
Well, a lot happened. One neighbour tried to be a patient listener to the guy who could only speak the local language. One delivery boy stopped with his vehicle just to enjoy the chaos. I saw a man's silhouette on the terrace of a building diagonally opposite to our house. The inquisitive passer-bys slowed their pace. Girls were shouting in their high-pitched feminine voices. The guys responded roughly and disrespectfully. Manan and Tanish were quiet with fright, Rita Di was apologising and I was wondering why it had to explode this way! The scene was intense.
Bhaiya, bhabhi, Manan's parent's were on their way. We were waiting for them. But it so happened that those guys decided to let go off the issue and vanished from the place few seconds before bhaiya, bhabhi arrived. The two girls started explaining bhaiya bhabhi what those guys had been saying and what replies these girls had been giving. One of the girls said how calmly I tried to explain those guys. But the moment she said that, bhabhi said "isse toh nahi hoga". Meaning, I couldn't have made them run away on my own. I laughed at that moment. Came back to my room and started wondering about my nature, choices, believes, perceptions, behaviour, management skills, people skills, survival, self-deception and finally truth.
The truth is I am not aggressive by nature. I make my choice to behave systematically in such situations. I believe it was a trivial issue which was not worth investing so much energy. I try to perceive logic, sense and rationality. So, I behave like a sensible human. My management or people skills may not be very good. But I think I can survive without them. Now comes the question of self-deception. Hmm... Too personal to write about. I will end it here.
I was enjoying my evening bread just when I heard an anxious knock at the door. It was Manan, my landlord's elder son, looking alarmed trying to explain me something. But he was so slow that I myself, sensing something wrong, started asking him questions like whether he met with an accident or if Tanish, his younger brother, got hurt. He said, while riding, his cycle's handle accidentally scratched another vehicle and that they were calling someone elder to pay for the damage done. So I went down to see what happened.
From what I remember, Rita Di, the house maid, was sitting on the entrance stairs screaming and apologizing at the same time on behalf of the kids. The moment I went down, one of the guys asked me if I can speak Kannad or Telugu. I said "neither" and started speaking in Hindi. They showed me the scratch on their Innova and explained me their version. Then I asked for Manan's version. Both the stories seemed pretty consistent with minor biased opinions in their defence.
Then I began explaining the guy, who probably was driving the vehicle when this incident took place. And it was all explanations which I did. I said that, for such a small scratch unintentionally done by a kid playing in his own street, they shouldn't be so adamant and demand money or ask for the repair. From their physique and clothes it was easy to guess that the vehicle wasn't theirs and that they might just be demanding money because their owner might lash out at them. That's what I actually thought.
So I tried to explain them in a very respectful yet stern manner that they should let go this silly issue. And frankly I do feel that people should ignore such trivial things. For an unfortunate happenstance like this one, where nobody had the ill-intention or was hurt, people should learn to ignore what the outcome was and focus on mistakes at both ends just so that it never happens again.
But no my dear! Welcome to India. The country of rowdy Rathors and raanti Reddys! They want money. They want to show how powerful localites they are. They want to terrorize us by calling for reinforcement and outnumbering us. They want the police to be involved because they know, being localites, they can influence the police personnels too. More than anything else, on a much deeper level, they want a sense of victory. A sense which will make them feel righteously powerful. And they will never miss a chance for that.
Soon the other tenants, both girls (media students...worth mentioning here) arrived near the gates and asked what had happened. I explained them in brief and within no time there was a huge ruckus with both girls shouting and screaming on the top of their voices at those two guys. I sighed at my incapacity to calm them down. Actually, the moment I saw those two girls I realised that they will incite the guys to fight more vehemently. And that is exactly what happened.
Looking at the level of shouting and screaming out pointless arguments, I took a step back for few moments. Well there was nothing else I could have done. Given my soft, less talkative, non-aggressive nature I thought it's best not to speak in between. And what happened for the next few minutes was, I feel, totally unnecessary and pointless. The way these girls dominated by raising their voices and giving arguments seemed a little too much for the kind of issue we were facing.
I am not supporting or discrediting any side on their opinions and efforts. I don't want to state or analyse who was right or wrong. I am just pointing out at the way we are wired to always dominate. Kyriarchy. That's what I experienced today. In this case, by taking advantage of the child's mistake, the two guys wanted to believe that they have the capacity to beat us down, that they are above some individuals (at least in some situations), that they are on the 'right' side and so in their conditioned believes, want justice to be done.
On the other were these two girls. With a thought of 'being media students', they lashed out at the boys in loud voices. These girls had their own reasons for domination. There seemed a blatant belief in them that they can handle any situation by just being a strong woman....which is not false. Education and a masters degree obviously provided an edge and a reason to dominate.
Kyriarchy was the invisible symphony in the background.
These guys, stay somewhere on the next cross road. A few meters away from our house. Behaving in this fashion clearly indicates how we have evolved as a society of disconnected neighbours. Also, I want to point out how we end up being under control of things which we possess. Any small damage to a personal property is enough to blow off the lids of sensibility and logic and let's also say - ethics. In the heated argument exchange which was happening, a very funny line was being thrown by each of the parties - "Being educated, you should know how to behave." I was more than amused. :P
Well, a lot happened. One neighbour tried to be a patient listener to the guy who could only speak the local language. One delivery boy stopped with his vehicle just to enjoy the chaos. I saw a man's silhouette on the terrace of a building diagonally opposite to our house. The inquisitive passer-bys slowed their pace. Girls were shouting in their high-pitched feminine voices. The guys responded roughly and disrespectfully. Manan and Tanish were quiet with fright, Rita Di was apologising and I was wondering why it had to explode this way! The scene was intense.
Bhaiya, bhabhi, Manan's parent's were on their way. We were waiting for them. But it so happened that those guys decided to let go off the issue and vanished from the place few seconds before bhaiya, bhabhi arrived. The two girls started explaining bhaiya bhabhi what those guys had been saying and what replies these girls had been giving. One of the girls said how calmly I tried to explain those guys. But the moment she said that, bhabhi said "isse toh nahi hoga". Meaning, I couldn't have made them run away on my own. I laughed at that moment. Came back to my room and started wondering about my nature, choices, believes, perceptions, behaviour, management skills, people skills, survival, self-deception and finally truth.
The truth is I am not aggressive by nature. I make my choice to behave systematically in such situations. I believe it was a trivial issue which was not worth investing so much energy. I try to perceive logic, sense and rationality. So, I behave like a sensible human. My management or people skills may not be very good. But I think I can survive without them. Now comes the question of self-deception. Hmm... Too personal to write about. I will end it here.
